All marriages go through rough patches but if you have been looking for advice on how to save your marriage and finding nothing more than vague tips about learning communication skills, not criticizing, forgiving each other? Well of course, those things can help, but there’s a lot more you can do today to make things better. While some of these steps for how to save a marriage take time, they’re all things you can start doing right now.
Take Some Time Out!
Whether your spouse has just told you they want a divorce or you’ve both been talking about it for a while, a cooling down period will do you both a lot of good. Take about a week to get away from each other and collect your thoughts. This is no time to make a laundry list of your partner's faults, though! Instead, focus on remembering why you fell in love with them in the first place and think through some calm, respectful ways to address the problems when you see each other again.
Work on your own problems!
Yes, you have issues, too. Sorry. And these aren’t just problems between you and your spouse, but issues related to any emotional baggage you brought into the marriage too. If you’re taking a cooling off period, that’s a great time to work on these issues, although you shouldn’t expect to resolve any deep issues in such a short time.
Keep in mind, too, that you need to be careful about assigning blame, especially if your spouse has been violent or verbally abusive. While many therapists who understand how to save a marriage will remind you it “takes two to tango,” don’t start thinking you “made” your partner act a certain way.
Resolve Your Conflicts!
If you’ve already taken your cooling off period and given some serious thought to how you might be contributing to the problem, set aside a few uninterrupted hours ( get a babysitter) to talk things over. If it seems like you always end up in shouting matches each time you try to work things out, you might want to do this with a marriage counselor. A neutral third party, knowledgeable about how to save a marriage, can really help keep things sane so you can make some real progress.
Spend quality time with each other!
Not spending enough quality time together is often what starts marital problems in the first place. Then once the marriage is really on the rocks, you spend more and more time apart. Fortunately, it’s an easy trend to reverse. Find something you both enjoy, as long as you can chat with each other while doing it, and schedule a time for this activity at least twice a week.
Give It Time!
Most useful advice on, "how to save a marriage", will not give you quick fixes that you can get done in one day, but a lot will give you tactics you can at least try out right away. Whether you think you need a short break from your spouse to ease tensions or you just need to focus on each other a little more to keep things from finally falling apart, there is always something you can do now to things moving in the right direction. The important thing is to take action today and not waste any more time hoping things will get better on their own.
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